I want to say something about working with our ancestors.

For years I felt disconnected and less-than because I lost contact with my biological family.

When I was 27, I met a woman who had grown up with my biological mother in Mississippi, and she led me back to my mother.

I had so much anger and frozen grief inside of me when I finally met my mother that I dissociated.

It took me three years to let that anger and grief emerge and then my mother died--suddenly.

Wow, that took me another five years to forgive myself and to finally forgive my mother.

It was not until I became a mother that I learned first hand how incredibly hard it is to care for a baby, a toddler and a rocky relationship--and my own self-care.

My mother was navigating all of this when she was nineteen--a very smart high school graduate with no partner and rejected by her family in the segregated south.

I was thirty-five with a Phd and a spouse who carried us financially so I could be a stay at home mom for a time.

And it was still hard for me!

Partly because of the generational trauma that I carried and my own painful experiences in foster care.

However, I could not forgive my mother until I first forgave myself for being so angry and judgmental right before she died.

What is this thing called forgiveness?

To me, it's acknowledging that something tough happened; giving myself what I need; and focusing on what I've gained or how I evolved.

In the case of my mother, I also opened my heart and changed the story I had about her.

I got to see her as a vulnerable person who had incredible courage and fortitude to come back to her children after 21 years and reconcile.

When I have "trespassed" or harmed someone, forgiving myself is more difficult.

I need an outside party to help me get it straight and to keep it out of the epic Victim/Villain story.

If I accept the Villian-Victim story-- I end up feeding my pain body and feeling separate and like a piece of sh*t.

(If you don't know what I'm talking about checkout my interview with Jojopah Nsoroma.)

So, all of this is to say that if you have difficult Ancestors or if you feel like the villain in a story --this poem may be for you!

Please download the Ancestors Guide for Healing and Liberation in 3 Simple Steps to get started.



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