#054: Ancestral Healing and Accountability with Matthew Reynolds
In today's episode, we have a very special guest, Matthew R. Reynolds. I reached out to Matthew after reading his weekly email where he spoke about envy and jealousy. But the first half of our conversation focuses on his father and reclaiming ancestors.
Matthew opens up about a longing he has carried with him throughout his life - a longing to know his father. As he shares his heartfelt desire to connect with his deceased father and explore the impact of his absence, we dive deep into the themes of internalized racial oppression and the capitalist system that perpetuates it.
Matthew's father passed away from Emphysema and COPD, and to honor him, Matthew takes a moment to say his father's name out loud.
We learn about his great-great-grandfather, who was a slave in Alabama, and how this past has strongly influenced his own father's life and subsequently Matthew's own.
As the conversation unfolds, Aminata and Matthew share their experiences of connecting with their ancestors. Aminata reveals her deep connection with trees as her ancestors, while Matthew reflects on his Irish ancestry and the importance of standing by trees. The belief that we are all connected, made of stardust, forms the foundation of their discussion.
As we journey through Matthew's exploration of his father's life, we also find ourselves transported to the awe-inspiring beauty of the big island of Hawaii where Matthew resides.
But the conversation doesn't end there. Aminata and Matthew discuss dance and theater as a form of healing abuse, racism and intergenerational trauma.
In the second half, Matthew reframes our perceptions of jealousy and envy. He encourages us to question the definition of success imposed upon us by society and to explore our own unique paths. Matthew also offers a powerful acronym for FAIL: "first attempt in learning."
Matthew also emphasizes accountability as a positive in our journey towards authenticity. We all need supportive communities and coaches who can help us navigate our shadows and empower us to stay true to ourselves and achieve our fullest potential.
Matthew also invites us to embrace difficulty and discomfort because they can lead us to profound personal and collective transformation.
So, grab a cup of tea, find a comfortable spot, and join us as we explore the intertwined threads of ancestry, healing, and the complex emotions of envy and jealousy. Welcome to the Mother Tree Network!
Matthew’s Bio
Matthew currently works with groups of people (organizations and "trusted circles") on developing their Equity Lens to develop humanity-led equity, connection, and thought in facilitated safe(r) spaces. He is the author of BIGGEST, FULLEST, BRIGHTEST: Shifting the Consciousness of Humanity.
Social Media Links
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ShiftingHumanity
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/matthew-reynolds-consulting-llc
Instagram: https://instagram.com/matthewreynoldsconsulting
📚 Timestamped overview
02:59 Connecting with ancestors, finding authentic purpose.
07:14 Friends said come heal; found purpose, educate, heal, create.
09:14 Energy of mother Earth in various locations.
14:22 Art served as catharsis for personal trauma.
18:08 Father's absence, materialism, and emotional disconnection.
22:12 Father's possible homosexuality caused family strife. Ancestor connection affects relationship with him.
23:18 Soul connection, mother's wisdom, and family bond.
29:12 We are stardust, connected to everything.
TRANSCRIPT
Amanda Aminata:
Welcome. Welcome to the Mother Tree Network. Matthew Reynolds.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Good morning. Good morning. Thank you so much. It just feels so good to be here, in this space, Oh, especially with Mother Tree, it just feels so right and so good. I've been seeing and Kinda staying on the periphery of it. So when you invited me in, it was like yeah. Yes. The smile says everything.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
It's it
Amanda Aminata:
was just like this.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Yes. So thank you.
Amanda Aminata:
Well, you know, I there's so much I wanna talk to you about. I want everyone to know, though, that what's, sparked my invitation to you was an email that you sent out where you were talking about envy and jealousy. And I was I just replied right away and say, hey. Would you be on the Mother Tree Network? And I'm just telling everyone that because I think, Well, we're 1, I recommend they they get on your email list, and I'm sure you're gonna let us know how to do that at the end of the show. But also that, you know, if you are someone who's out there writing an email, a weekly blog or something, And you're wondering, well, is this really reaching people? What impact is this having? Just know. Keep going. Because, you know, the people who need it will ultimately find it. You know? And it's okay if if not everything you write is ever open or read by everyone.
Amanda Aminata:
Yeah.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
So so very true. So very true. And I find that a lot of times A lot of times, I am asking, because what So backing up just a little bit. I use a a deck of animal medicine tarot cards is what I do. And so I put out into the universe what I, need to look at, what I can give back With as well, and then I shuffle and draw a card. And then from that, when I read the card to myself, That's when it comes to me, and that's where those gentle reminders come from. And so I'm giving I'm putting things out there that the universe is like, Matthew, you need to look at this. And it's like, oh, okay.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Let me look at this. So anytime that anybody bonds and is and feels drawn to it as well is a huge is a huge gift. And in the same breath, it's like, yeah. This is the person or persons who, this was to be shared with. And so they they saw it, they hooked on, and That's why they're here. So I I agree fully. So thank you.
Amanda Aminata:
Well, I like to start every interview off with what is good. So tell me, Matthew r Reynolds, what is good today?
Matthew R. Reynolds:
What is good today? Let's this interview, I woke up this morning and and, And, was feeling it. I live on the big island of Hawaii, the unseated lands of the Kanaka Anui peoples. And so I am here, healing, giving back best I can through the aloha aina And making sure that I am putting out into the community, into humanity what I can truly, offer from my place of authenticity. And so this morning, all of that came to the forefront as I Showered out in the rain as I lit my candles, as I got my water, as I got my flower essence, And sat here and was like, okay. What is what is this right now? What is going on? And the thing that came back To me is that I'm starting to really truly get a sense of my ancestors. Like, in my head, not a balance quite yet of mind, body, and spirit. In my head, I understood that I was not defined by slavery. Right? It did not stop on the shores of the Atlantic ocean, but it went beyond that, and yet I've just started to access that.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
I've talked it. It's been in my head, but it really didn't drop into my heart and into my gut and just, like until, like, the last week, Actually so it came rushing in and feeling really strong this morning, and we were talking about how it says, He, they, we as my my pronouns. The we actually isn't a a pronoun identifier. The we is for ancestors, And I've been wanting to connect more and more with my ancestors, and I I kept stopping at slavery. I kept stopping at Because I didn't get my father's stories. He was the 2nd generation out of slavery, and he never talked about it. So I didn't hear those things. So what's good this morning is that The ancestors, you know, I may not know them, but they know me.
Amanda Aminata:
They Mic drop on that moment. I may not know them yet.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Yes.
Amanda Aminata:
Thank you. Me. Thank you so much in there. I wanna I wanna I wanna tease out, You know, for me as much as for the rest of our people who are listening. So, Matthew, you appear as African American, and there you are on the big island of Hawaii. And so the I I don't know. Is that where you were raised, or is that where you moved to? Tell me about that.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Thank you. Thank you. I am actually, my ethnicities are Irish, German, and Swedish, and African American. African. Nigeria, I have 5 brothers and sisters, so 2 brothers, 3 sisters. The youngest, I'm the 4th. I'm a middle child. The youngest, Melissa, did that, the ancestry in me, the 23, and then my brother who's 2 years older than me, Ethan, He did it as well.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
And so a lot of our and I just now, in the last 2 months, asked them about that. I was like, hey. What's up with this? Because I've been reading, Michelle Cassandra Johnson's book about healing together. I'll I didn't I of course, I'm gonna quote her. I didn't bring the book over here. Don't have the title in front of me, but she was asking for us to really look at our ancestors and invite our ancestors in. And so This medicine has been coming to me. That's why I moved here to the big island.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
I was a high school teacher. I was in a predominantly white area in Southern Oregon, it was extremely abusive, and yet I thought that I could tough it out, you know, and that I'd had built all these things. I didn't Come into teaching until 35 years old. You know, I'd lived these experiences, thought I had all this about me, but it was still Raising my cortisol levels. It was still eating away my body. You know? And I thought that me and the students were fortressed in the performing arts center. I taught Theater and dance, and, and it was still getting in, and it was still eating away at my body and at my soul. And So I retired from that.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Friends of mine who live here said, hey. Come on over here and heal for a while. And through that process, I've created My offering, I really landed in my purpose of what I am at this point to put out into the world, looking at the past as my education And really truly learning from it instead of it being a source of shame and guilt, regret, misunderstanding, not knowing, Anger, frustration, jealousy, etcetera, it's really become a place of education for me. And so as I'm learning more from it, Healing more. I created a process called crafting your equity lens, and I also wrote a book, biggest, fullest, brightest, shifting the consciousness of humanity, in this Healing journey that I'm on. And just recently, as I was stating, I really feel that I'm starting to fully step into feeling Fully realized a little bit more in my being, my authenticity, and being able to model that and put that out in the world and invite others on a similar journey. So that's how I landed here. And, you
Amanda Aminata:
know, there is something about the big island. I've only been there once, but I loved it. Like like, my body loved it. You know? It was just something about everything in me was like, Yes. Happy.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
That's it exactly. That's it exactly. And I think a large I think a large part of it tell me if you felt this as well. The flora and fauna, there are 9 of the 11 different biomes in the world, 10 different biomes. There's 9 of them here on the island. So as you drive around the big island, you can get you can see every single biome that exists basically on the planet. The, or maybe take out the Arctic. I think that's the ones that we don't necessarily have.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
But we do get snow Up on the big the top of Mauna Kea, Mauna Loa, but there's just this energy of, like, this is everything that created that mother Earth put out there and that we're a part of and that we come from, and it's all around. And if you take a day, and Sadly, for me, it's what I can afford. But put that fossil fuel in your car and drive around, you can visit everything that She has to offer you in the course of a day. So I I've been able to really find power spots to go and sit in, And sometimes it's desert. Sometimes it's right next to the ocean. Sometimes it's green sand, black sand, White sand. Sometimes it's just being out in the in the ocean and bobbing in the water. Sometimes, you know, it's all these various things sitting here On my sofa and looking out at the vegetation in the cloud rainforest that I live in, and then I'm 2 miles away from, Kilauea.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
So that's the the volcano that erupted in 2018. And so Pele is less than 2 miles away from me, and so it's interesting When that energy shakes up and starts to come to the surface and be around, it's just it's just a beautiful place, and I'm so grateful for it. So very
Amanda Aminata:
grateful
Matthew R. Reynolds:
for it.
Amanda Aminata:
I I was just thinking, a couple things hit me when you mentioned Pele. When I was there, I was there for a shamanic astrology, gathering to learn more. And, and when I came home, I I I created a song to sing to my children. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. And so it just made me think of that. And, Yeah.
Amanda Aminata:
Of course, I wanna follow-up because you are a theater dance artist. And, A couple of episodes ago, I interviewed, my friend and mentor who is also, a theater dance artist who she said that and this is, for everyone who's listening. This is, doctor Gerald. Doctor Gerald Robinson, also known as g love. She she was telling me how, she felt like her she awaken. Like, dance and theater awaken her to the codes in her DNA, which helped her get into, ultimately her journey to become the powerful healer and, you know, oracle that she is. But she's so I said, were you always intergalactic? And she said, well Well, yes. But, you know, she was asleep for a while, and it was dance and theater that opened her up.
Amanda Aminata:
So I could see how you could think that would be a fortress against these outside forces, you know, creating this space for you and your students. But tell me about you As an artist, like, how you view dance and theater of your body and your spiritual journey.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Yeah. We're just you're just jumping right on in, aren't you? Yes. Yes. And yes. It was healing first. So I grew up in a small town, predominantly white town in north central Minnesota. Like I said, my mother was Irish, German, and Swedish. My father was, 2nd generation out of slavery from Africa.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Nigeria area mainly is what the ancestry thing talked about. So there's a lot of abuse, physical abuse from my father. Out of us 6 kids, that kinda was the one that it was all pointed at. I get into that a little bit in my book. So there was healing from that. Also, healing from being called the n word Every day, my mom told us 4 older kids, the only time you raise a fist to another person is if they call you the n word. And so I was 3 the 1st time I got into a fight, and then there was a big fight between my parents when we were living in Minneapolis at the time, and The big fight between them, and then we moved an hour north of the Twin Cities. And unbeknownst to me until years later, it was like, oh, Hello, Matthew.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Father my father, 2nd generation out of slavery from Montgomery, Alabama. Right? If you laid hands on a white bodied person, you know, only only Harm and nothing good would come out of that. And so at the time, I couldn't understand his fear and what he was going through. And like I said, he didn't really talk a lot about his story. So us 6 kids don't really have. I I asked at the beginning of the pandemic when I moved here, when I was putting my book together and, like, because there's a lot of memoir in there, and I wanted to make sure that I was honoring the truth of us 6 kids. And nobody really knows my dad. He didn't talk about it.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
He just did not talk about that aspect of his life. And so when I I look at those things and I look at that How that got passed on and how that came to fruition, it really I was like a sponge because my cognitive brain, right, didn't know that this person who was supposed to unconditionally love me, give me These part are impart embark upon me, you know, my food and clothing, etcetera, etcetera, was also the person who was Giving me all his intergenerational trauma, and I was absorbing it because I didn't know how to say no. I don't want that part of it kind of thing. So the first, I'd say decade or more of my art after I graduated from high school was based on catharsis and me getting that out there, putting that Out in the world and a lot of folks coming to me and being like, oh my gosh. You made me feel this and this happened, and this was coming up for me. And at that time, I couldn't Take that in. My self worth was so depleted and damaged that I would, like, push people away from Matt, and not until I started getting into talk therapy when I was 25 did I actually start to work through some of those things and really recognize where that was coming from. So that was my art before when I got in.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
And then I
Amanda Aminata:
wanna can I I wanna pause you before we go to the work the art after Because I think some people are gonna be wondering about when you say your dad was 2nd generation out of slavery? Tell us what you mean by that.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
It means that my great great grandfather was owned.
Amanda Aminata:
In Alabama?
Matthew R. Reynolds:
In Alabama. And don't know great great grandmother. Don't have that history at all. And that's and I learned that from cousins on my dad's side. So when I say 2nd generation out of slavery, my grandfather, my father's side was born right around the emancipation. So Then he had my father later in life. I think he was in his fifties, sixties When he gave birth to my father, doing the math correctly. Yeah.
Amanda Aminata:
Gotcha.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
So Yeah. That's what I mean by 2nd generation out of slavery.
Amanda Aminata:
That's powerful.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
So yeah. It was and it's powerful. And in the same Breath, I'm still trying to piece that together. You know? That's the we. That's what I was saying before about ancestors. Humanity is we are all artists, I feel. We're all storytellers. Right? And we're experts in our own life If we allow ourselves to be.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Right? And so I don't have any of that information from my dad. Like, what's your what's a fond memory from your childhood? You know? What's what was something that you ate all the time that you enjoy? Where did you get because he was a great cook. It's like, where did you get these these skills about cooking and making foods and stuff? Where did that come from? How How was that? A thing. I never got any of those stories. I never asked. So when people are like, when you see sometimes Those posts where people are like, if you could have 1 person from history that's now gone, come back and sit with them and For, you know, a meal or on this park bench and talk, who would it be? It would be it would be my father. It really would be my father. I wanna know him.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
I don't know him. I'm 54 years old. He passed away in 2004, and I have no idea those those things. Like, Dad, what was your favorite color? What is your favorite color? You know, all these different things, none of that was part of our relationship. None of it was really part of his relationship with any of his kids. And a lot of that, the story that I get from that after a lot of my healing with my art And starting to get into talk therapy, that was that shadow that was formulated inside that inner voice And what it was saying to me and how it was saying things to me and how connected that is to the dominant culture and status quo, white supremacy culture, The ideas of internalized racial oppression, the the ideas of internalized capitalism, because that's what my father that to him, that was success. That was being a good dad is because is that he had he would always buy objects, you know, like a dirt bike or a boat With the motor or, you know, these these objects and things, but couldn't sit down and ask, how are you doing? What's going on with you? How was school? What was, You know, your performance, your indie sports, he didn't come to see anything of mine until my senior year, and then he came to 2 events, But that was it. And then later on, as his sickness he died of Emphysema and COPD.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
As his sickness took over more and more, that's when he started to shift and started looking at the kids more. So the 2 younger in the family, they have a completely different relationship with our father than us 4 older kids. So My heart became with shifted in that sense with him as well and then giving back. He died right before I became a high school teacher the year before.
Amanda Aminata:
I, You know, I just wanna, take a moment. Did you wanna say your dad's name out loud or we could just have him if you don't wanna say it out loud, we could hold it in silence.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Oh, yeah. My father, Emmanuel Junior Reynolds.
Amanda Aminata:
Mhmm. Emmanuel Junior Reynolds. Yeah. It's a path.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Mhmm.
Amanda Aminata:
It's a path. One of the things that I'd love to hear your opinion about this. One of the things that I have adopted that I was shared with me and I choose to work with is that I chose my parents. You know, that when I was on the other side, I chose those 2 people, that DNA, that lineage to move through, to bring through, for some reason. And, and that has helped me. What are you what are you what are your thoughts?
Matthew R. Reynolds:
I feel that I do a similar thing. I definitely lean more towards my mom still, and it's not out of spite or or anger or anything like that towards my father. I really just don't know his story. And it seemed like in my When my cognitive brain was developing, and it's interesting because now that I say that out loud, my 2 younger sisters In their teen in their teen years and early twenties did not have a good relationship with our mother. They were definitely more connected to our father, but I I saw myself a lot more similar to my mom In the sense that it was like, well, of course, out of us because I'm the most like our mom. And so there was this, There was this abusive kind of, like, nature there that I don't know. They're interracial couple. My mom was kicked out of her family for dating my father.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
We did not see Her parents and that side of the family until I was, like, 4, kind of thing. There's a so there was a lot of strife between the 2 of them for years, and I believe my father was gay. And so and he that was something that he never came to fruition to with or talked about, I should say. He tried twice with me, and I didn't feel like I had the tools to have a conversation with him about it. And so I think that there's, As you said, there's some connections there. There's a reason my soul chose and how we were talking prior to getting to coming online. I'm just starting to understand my connection with ancestors or at the top of the conversation, my connection with ancestors that goes beyond slavery. And so I think my connection, my relationship with my father is part of that blockage or stoppage that happens of, like, But I really wanna hear the story from you kinda thing.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
And so how am I allowing that story to come through without hearing it directly from him, and he visits for sure. You know? He comes in every now and then and, you know, Strong in dreams, strong in other aspects of my my my world, my life, and yet I find myself quoting my mother a lot. My mom always said, you know, closed mouth, don't get fed. My mom always said, etcetera, and there's things like that, but I Don't really quote him. So there's a lot there, I think. Yes. I believe my soul chose him. I think it was Something with my mom as well, though, the 3 of us.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
There's an energy there as to why kind of thing. So, yeah, I'm open to it. I'm open to whatever's gonna come in around all of that. I just don't know I just don't know how to direct it. Does that make sense?
Amanda Aminata:
Yes. Maybe deeply for it? Ask what?
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Ask more deeply for it?
Amanda Aminata:
Yes. Yes. It's gonna come to you. I mean, because you just said it's just been a couple of weeks that you really felt in your body, Ancestors Beyond the Shores. Yes. So yes. Yes. You're you're so right there.
Amanda Aminata:
And what came to mind, I'm gonna share this out loud since it came to mind, another black gay man who has not been on my show yet, but I wanna have on the show is Toni Moss, fabulous singer, creator of Medicine Music. He has a YouTube. It's like a 10 minute monologue where he tells a story of meeting his father via an journey. And where he let all the feelings out, did all the confrontation about, you know, the physical abuse, The, you know, Philly neglected emotionally, all that stuff. And coming to a place of, of acceptance and mutual love. So
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Yes. Yes.
Amanda Aminata:
We can take these journeys in many ways. I mean, I I I love the medicine path. I'm all about the medicine path. And, frankly, I've heard from ancestors through journaling. Mhmm. You know? People I don't know. I mean, I didn't know personally. Like, Harriet Tubman, a woman named Hannah who would who had been enslaved.
Amanda Aminata:
And and that's made its way into my art. So mhmm. Mhmm.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Yes. And yes. As soon as you say it, it's like, yeah. I see the points when that has occurred. So what was coming up for me just now is is was That questioning, a little bit of blaming, and maybe I just haven't been ready before, and so I wanted to, like, acknowledge that that what what I was getting hit with was, again, why aren't you talking with me more, dad? Right. And so I just wanna I wanna acknowledge that.
Amanda Aminata:
I feel like this conversation This completely unexpected turn in the conversation is somehow some kind of Medicine magic for all of us. You know? You you took us in the direction of ancestors with your we and, and your siblings doing that 23 and me ancestry.com research. So and now we're we're in it now. We're fully in it. We're fully in the, the circle of our ancestors. One thing I wanna say out loud too is that sometimes so you said for you, the big thing was Being able to feel beyond these shores to Africa, to Nigeria. Mhmm. A thing that happened to me was feeling Like, trees were my ancestors.
Amanda Aminata:
Like, not in my mind, but in my sensation. You know what I mean? Am I I'm gonna call it my Spirit, body, mind. Like, wow. I just was like, I was really feeling that very strongly for a time. And now I'm I got this ancestor altar in my home, and I tend to that when I remember. And, You know, there is a tree piece on there, but there it's mostly human beings.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Right.
Amanda Aminata:
So I I I guess maybe what I'm saying is give yourself permission To be where you are in the journey. And if what's coming through is beyond the shores of the Americas or what's coming through as a species or one of my other guests, another black, artist man, healer, educator like you. He said he was feeling his Irish ancestry.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Mhmm. And then,
Amanda Aminata:
you know, reconciling himself to that. So I don't know. I so thank you for opening yourself. Is there anything else you wanna say about that? Because I wanna move us on, but I wanna give if there's a breath or a need to speak To complete this, let us do that.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
I think that that's the thing is that it it I know that it's not complete. I know that I've stepped forward or through or into or onto something. We are all made of stardust. We're all everything around us, we're part of it, and I believe that fully, and I feel that fully. And so when you speak of the trees, there's there's probably 4 trees that came to mind. 2 of them here on island, That I've definitely whenever I go by them, you know, I'm looking over my shoulder and making sure I don't, You don't crash into anything, but I'm watching that tree, and I have not I have yet to stand by these 2 trees here. And then there's 2 other trees back And Southern Oregon that I gained strength from when I was there. Similar kind of thing, but those I definitely spent some time Walking by and putting a hand on, and so it's time.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
It's time. Thank you for that invitation.
Amanda Aminata:
Oh, yes. Welcome to the Mother Tree Network, Matthew Reynolds. We're gonna take a break right here for a, message from our sponsor, and then we're gonna come right back. And we're gonna talk about jealousy and envy, Matthew. I can't wait to get delve in there with you.
Amanda Aminata:
So welcome back, everyone. I'm here with the beautiful, amazing, soulful Matthew r Reynolds, theater artist, educator, consultant, and creator of the Crafter Equity Lens, process. So Matthew, what I want to talk with you about was jealousy and envy. And let me just tell you why. Not that I have any experience of you at all being jealous and fierce, but because but because I had that experience. And, I think a lot of I'm gonna speak as a black woman right now, talking with other black woman friends, or we could even take it to other entrepreneurs, creative folks. You know, on the one hand, I had an experience where someone who I went to college with hit it big in terms of the theater world. She had a play done on Broadway.
Amanda Aminata:
Wow. Right? A black woman playwright. She made it. And, and at the time, I was, like, happy and crying Because she did, and I'm happy and crying because, wow, what about me? I feel left behind. You know? I'm not that kind of thing. So tell us about how you look at jealousy and envy and what we you know? How do you look at them, first of all?
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Okay. Well, I'm you've sparked something, and so I wanna I wanna Go there. When when we say or when I say they made it, Right? They made it Broadway. Right? It's like, well, wait a second. Whose definition of success am I using? Is this really truly mine? And when am I hustling to win a supremacy culture That tells me that Broadway is is the be all and end all. That means that you're successful. If you don't make it there, then you failed in any other context. And so then if I take to heart the acronym FAIL, first attempt in learning, That sometimes if I'm really looking at those moments of failure or when it didn't necessarily go the way I wanted to, And I take some time and I breathe into it and I look at that.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
It may be something that's telling me that, no, the the end product, the thing that you Feel that you need to reach or get to isn't really what you need right now. And maybe this fail is pointing you in the direction that you're supposed to go And not necessarily that you're supposed to continue on that same path and or it's like, oh, this fail is because I don't have certain skills quite yet, And I need to look at those skills and build them to get to the one that I'm on the path of because it is the way with the direction I'm supposed to go. So if I really am looking at that aspect of it, how much of my thinking is my thinking? When I see and bump up against that envy. Is it the authentic me, or is this that indoctrination into the status quo and dominant culture And or me fighting against those things, the dominant culture status quo and my indoctrination into supremacy culture. And so I'm it's still not the authentic me. It's the the me that's fighting these things and not really just getting to be in the world. And that's what I think is important when we look at such emotions as jealousy and envy. When those things come up in our life, First of all, I wanna ask myself, how much of my thinking is my thinking? Where is this coming from really? Yeah.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Like, let me follow that back a little bit.
Amanda Aminata:
Tell us what tell us about that acronym for FAIL again. What does that stand for?
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Yeah. FAIL. 1st attempt in learning. So it's this idea that a lot of times, from the education world, that's where I got this. I wish I could honor The woman who was speaking, I was at a education conference back in, like, 2011, 2010, somewhere in there, And she had said this, and it struck such a deep chord with me. And it was like, oh, If we're teaching to the test and we're only teaching to that test and the outcomes of the test and everybody's judging us, including the student on the outcome of that test. Look at all that learning that's being just kinda left. It's like it's like, waste.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Right? It's seen as waste Because you're not supposed to fail. You're supposed to pass. It's supposed to be these things. You're supposed to achieve this stuff, which directly feeds into perfectionism. Right? That we're everything's supposed to be perfect. And if it's not, then shame on you. You're not a good person or, you know, when we wrap our worth up in it. If I let that go, if I truly just, like, let that fall to the side and really give it time and ask, hey.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
You didn't get You didn't finish this right here. What's coming up for you right now? Or you got an answer here that didn't necessarily Suffice this outcome, but what did you learn from this process? What's in there that can help strengthen if it's math and an equation, help strengthen your understanding of that equation or helps talk to you the way in which you learn because that was a big thing in the classroom as well. You need to differentiate your classroom because there's multiple learners in your classroom. And so I took it even another step further. Not only are there different styles of learning. Right? There are different lived experiences in front of me that aren't what the status quo and dominant culture tells me That aren't just physical attributes. It's how they're being raised, where they're living, if they're if they've got a home because there is so much There's so many other things that can take that away from students that, you know, that feeds directly into why they're not achieving According to the status quo's definition of achievement.
Amanda Aminata:
Wow. So much in there. And I what I wanna what it came to me was, do you have a coach? Because I feel like for you to really do that first attempt in learning, is this what my really wait. Wait. What are my values of success? It's like just to snap yourself out of a trance. It helps if you have someone else to talk to or to remind you. So how do you snap yourself out of that?
Matthew R. Reynolds:
I have I have a coach. I do have a coach. I also it's part of my community. So when I'm when I'm Asking for or pulling in or people come to me, you know, looking for community, and I become part of their community. Accountability, responsibility, integrity are for me at its core. And so I explain to people this is how to support me or how to hold me accountable. My shadow is deep and wide and can be as Sneaky and slippery as it wants to be. And so I definitely need multiple people to be like, wait a second.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Matthew, you just said this, and now you're doing this, And it seems that you're out of integrity with yourself. Is that true, you know, kinda thing? And not accusatory, not the shame and blame, not the Beat me over the head, you know, kind of thing, but really invite me to look at that stuff. And I think that that's important for us to have in our life because It's one of the things that the dominant culture does not like. It does not like to be held accountable, and it's the number one thing I believe for us to really get to our authenticity That we're not just these layers that have been sloughed onto us by that dominant culture and the status quo over our years of living, right, that dampens our authenticity, but our authentic self really wants to be held accountable and wants to be held accountable so that it can be fully realized. Right.
Amanda Aminata:
I was just gonna say that so that it can be supported to come forward and and to stay forward. That's a whole different view accountability. Wow. It it it makes me feel like, oh, I want that rather than, oh, no. Somebody's gonna hold me accountable.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Mhmm. Mhmm. Right? Right? And how much how much of your thinking is your thinking? Like, where did we get that? That it's a bad thing, and it kinda oh, now I'm so it goes it ties in with this. Somebody recently was like, Oh, but, Matthew, it's so hard, so difficult, and I'm like, yes. And why is hard and difficult a bad thing? Who told me that hard and difficult has to be this if that everything needs to be oh, here we go. Everything needs to be comfortable. So another tool of white supremacy culture is that you have a right to be comfortable. And that's why we keep building these creature comforts and things, And we're out of balance with mind, body, and spirit with them because they've been they've been utilized to bamboozle us And lawless into apathy and into these ideas that, no.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Can't do that because that's too much work or I just I have a right to have These things and do this stuff, and it's like, on a certain level, we all have a right to live. Right? We all have a right to be comfortable. And yet if That's the only thing I'm seeing, and that's the loop I'm stuck on. How does that feed into things, that I'm not even gonna try? I'm not even gonna try to look at my jealousy and my, you know, my ideas of of that. And I'm not gonna look at my shadow. I'm not look in the mirror. I'm not gonna hold myself accountable to these things that I'm actually dehumanizing others through my speech and my And so once again, they're they're like all these tiny little knots that get taught, and then We just need to untie them. And when people say, oh, that's so difficult.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
It's like, is it though? And if it is, So what? Let's keep going. It's difficult. Yeah. But look at what's on the other side of that. Everybody feeling upheld and supported and loved unconditionally in a world that isn't based on the oppression of anyone and not necessarily a utopia where everything is Nice and beautiful every single moment in every day. No. I believe that as these multifaceted beings that we are, We have this plethora of emotions that we can go through in all these lived experiences. So why don't we Live life so that we do go through all of them.
Amanda Aminata:
Woah. Matthew, if people wanna follow you, if they wanna know more about this way of being accountable. How do they get in touch with you?
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Oh, thank you for asking. You go to my website, w w w dot mrrconsulting.org. So mrrconsulting.org. And on there, there's I'm giving away a free PDF, the 5 stages to crafting your equity lens. And if you look at that PDF, download that PDF, it'll connect you with my, emailing list. And so you can just go ahead and and sign up there, and then You'll get these gentle reminders on Mondays. You'll get some other offers that I have going on. And, actually, in my book, The 4th chapter is fail, 1st attempt in learning.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
So
Amanda Aminata:
Oh, tell us your book again and where we can get that.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
My book is biggest, fullest, brightest, shifting the consciousness of humanity. And if you go to Amazon or Barnes and Noble. You can either order it from them if that's where you feel drawn to. You can also get the ISBN number from there and take To your local bookstore and give them the ISBN number and order it through them.
Amanda Aminata:
Okay. The biggest, brightest
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Biggest, fullest, brightest.
Amanda Aminata:
Biggest, fullest, brightest. Say that last bit again about consciousness.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Shifting the consciousness of humanity.
Amanda Aminata:
Shifting the consciousness of humanity. So you did not come here to play a small game?
Matthew R. Reynolds:
No. And I I'm not here to play a game. I'm not here to play a game. I'm here to allow Humanity to really for me, I I we've huge judgment. I believe that we, Humanity have stopped actually being more being humanity led. We don't lead with our humanity. We don't see somebody else's humanity first. We've compounded so many stereotypes and ideas and single stories about other the other kind of thing That is like, I don't need to meet you.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
I got Google. I don't need to talk to you. I got this. I got that. And so our connection is is being blocked by these creature comforts and things that we have, and we're no longer connecting with one another. We can use these tools as we are right now And still have a deep human connection. Right? And yet there are folks who use these tools so I don't have to meet you. I don't have to talk to you.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
I'm I'm I'm told and fed all the interaction I need to have with other human beings, and yet It's one of the core things that our body craves and wants is to have that sense of belonging and to have a community that you belong to. So how do we make sure that we shift this to be more humanity led? The first thing on a lot of folks, lists, Especially with, like, corporations and organizations is all number based. What are my metrics? How much did we sell? How much came in? Etcetera, etcetera. And when do we shift to actually look at the human being behind those numbers? So to me, that should be 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, maybe even 5th, is the human being. How are their needs being met? What are some of the things that are going on, etcetera, etcetera? What are people's names of the People I work with and then community with every day kinda thing. Right? And then we can start looking at the numbers that are gonna come out of that. But when we've Flipped it and the numbers and everything are first and foremost, and the humanity is way down here or not even existent, then, of course, We have things that are destructive to humanity, to the employees. You have a huge turnover rate, etcetera, etcetera.
Amanda Aminata:
So get that book. Biggest, fullest, brightest. Thank you so much for being with us, Matthew r Reynolds.
Matthew R. Reynolds:
Thank you so much for having me.
Amanda Aminata:
See you next time, everyone. Thank you for being here.
